What Might Have Been
by Helena of Trebond
Summary: AU. QuiGon survived the fight with Darth Maul, though his injuries left him unable to take Anakin as his Padawan. Yoda decides to take him as his apprentice. Will that make any difference in Anakin's future? And what are these visions of ObiWan's about?
1. Chapter 1

Thanks to all of you who read and reviewed my last story (especially those of you who reviewed, haha), and all of you who've come back to read this. :D This story will be updated at least one chapter per week unless it's a holiday week or I'm out of town. :D I promise (this way I'll keep myself from waiting for two years before finally finishing the story…)

Chapter One

Qui-Gon woke with a groan and slowly pried his eyes open. He was greeted by the harsh, bright lights of an infirmary. He knew instinctively that he was not in the Jedi Temple. He wasn't even on Coruscant, for that matter. He struggled to remember where he was and what had happened to him. He was on Naboo, he realized, in the palace infirmary.

He sat up, and quickly lowered himself down with a hiss as unanticipated pain shot through his abdomen. "Mister Qui-Gon!" he heard, and smiled a little through the pain. That was Anakin, he remembered, the little boy he'd met on Tatooine not very long ago. The boy he firmly believed to be the Chosen One who will bring balance to the Force.

"Hello, Anakin," he answered. "How are you?" He sensed something bothering the boy.

"I should be asking you that, Mister Qui-Gon, sir," Anakin answered. "You were asleep for a long time, more than two days." Anakin bit his lip nervously. "We were worried about you."

"I wasn't asleep, Ani," he said. "Not really. I was in something called a healing trance, taking care of my injuries." Anakin nodded.

"You mean the injuries you got from fighting that Sith guy," he said. Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow at him in a silent inquiry. "I heard Mister Obi-Wan telling someone named Yoda about what happened." At least Anakin had the grace to look contrite, he thought wryly. But the young boy's words had sparked a series of memories in him, and being too weary to suppress them, he closed his eyes and allowed them to play out.

_He had fallen to the Sith warrior and now lay still on the cold metal floor, eyes glazing over with a lightsaber hole straight through his abdomen. He saw his padawan behind the red wall of energy, saw him scream, but could not hear it. He saw only bits of the fight after Obi-Wan engaged the Sith. It was nothing like Obi-Wan's usual style of fighting. Instead of the smooth, graceful movements Obi-Wan had learned after a time, they were jerky and harsh._

_Qui-Gon could sense his padawan's negative feelings. His anger at the Dark Force-user who injured his master, his fear that Qui-Gon was going to die and his frustration with himself for letting it all happen._

Let go of your negative feelings, Obi-Wan. You cannot win by pitting your Darkness against his; you must be calm, _Qui-Gon told his apprentice through the bond. He felt him falter, and in that moment he fell into the hole that led to the planet's core._

_Qui-Gon wanted to curse at himself, but he lacked the energy. He had distracted his padawan from the task at hand, and in doing so gave his opponent the opportunity he needed._

_But at least Obi-Wan was alright. Somewhat, anyway. He was clinging to a light attached to the side of the hole several feet below them. Again the Sith took to pacing, running his lightsaber along the edge, sending sparks down into the hole. A few moments later Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan's lightsaber follow him into the hole._

_It took only a minute for Obi-Wan to gather his strength and use the Force to propel himself from the hole. He summoned Qui-Gon's lightsaber to him and began the fight again. Though the Darkness was still within him, he had pushed it to the back of his mind, not having time to release it into the Force. Qui-Gon saw his apprentice sever the Sith's double-ended lightsaber, giving him only one to work with._

_After that, Obi-Wan made short work of him. Qui-Gon felt a rush of relief as his padawan cut the Sith's body clean in half and sent it tumbling down the hole to the core._

_Obi-Wan then rushed to his side, getting down on his knees and pulling Qui-Gon's head into his lap. He could sense his apprentice's intention of healing him and murmured, "No, it's too late…" He had accepted already that he was going to die. He was calm, knowing that he would soon be one with the Force._

_"No…" Obi-Wan murmured, sounding as if he were close to tears. "No…"_

_"Obi-Wan… Promise… promise me you will train the boy," he said, voice hoarse. He was quiet for a moment, waiting for Obi-Wan to respond. He didn't. "He is the chosen one… he will bring balance… train him."_

_"No," Obi-Wan replied forcefully. "I will not train him."_

_"Obi-Wan… please…" Qui-Gon could feel himself growing weaker, but he did all he could to continue the conversation. He had to convince his padawan to train Anakin…_

_"No!" Obi-Wan said loudly, nearly shouting. Qui-Gon saw tears in his eyes. "I won't have to! You're not… you're not going to die."_

Oh, Obi-Wan…_ he thought. _I know this is hard for you…

_"Train him for me," Qui-Gon said softly. "When I've gone." He closed his eyes and immediately felt the Force swirl around him and begin to fill him. He was going to die, soon. He felt himself being carried off, and then—_

_And then he was being pulled down again. _What…?_ he thought. Had he the strength then, he would have groaned aloud. Obi-Wan was trying to heal him. He knew it wouldn't work, though, so all he had to do was wait for his padawan to exhaust himself._

_He was shocked to feel it working. He could _feel_ the damage the Sith's lightsaber had done healing. The muscles were pulling themselves together, the bone healing itself until it became merely a normal break, the nick on his lung growing back and the skin healing…_

_It was by no means fully healed, but he knew now that he would live. _But at what cost?_ he asked himself, and slowly opened his eyes. He saw Obi-Wan slumped over him, eyes closed and breathing ragged. He knew that his padawan did not have a strong enough connection to the Living Force to have healed him so easily, which meant…_

He gave his own energy to save me_, he though. _Padawan mine, how foolish of you. Saving an old man like me…

_Though he wanted to make sure that Obi-Wan would be alright, he did not have the energy. He surrendered himself to sleep._

When he opened his eyes again, Anakin was no longer there, his spot in the chair next to the bed taken by Master Yoda.

"Awake, it is good to see you," said the Jedi Master. "Died, you nearly did."

"I know," he answered. "Obi-Wan saved me. Where is he?"

"On Coruscant, he is," answered Yoda. "When told you would live, left he did." Qui-Gon's brow furrowed.

"He left? Without us?" he asked. Yoda nodded.

"Happy with you, he did not seem. Happen, something did." With anyone else that would have been a question. Qui-Gon sighed.

"Yes," he answered. "Though something that would make him angry with me, I don't know…"

"Ask him on our return, we will," Yoda assured him. "The boy, young Skywalker—"

"Allow me to train him, Master," Qui-Gon interrupted. Yoda continued on as if he had not spoken.

"Trained, he will be."

"Thank you, Master," Qui-Gon said, relief flowing through him. The boy's training would be much easier with the consent of the council.

"My padawan, he will be." This surprised Qui-Gon. He blinked for a few moments, trying to make sense of what he had just heard.

"Your padawan?"

"Hear me, you did," said Yoda, face serious but eyes shining with amusement.

"But—" Qui-Gon began to protest.

"Train him, I will," insisted Yoda. "Rest, you will need. And restrict your movement, this injury will, for some time." Qui-Gon was forced to admit that the elder Jedi had a point. But he had already promised Anakin that he would train him…

"But—"

"Asked him, I did. Agreed he has, for understands, he does," said Yoda. "Though know I am Yoda, he does not."

Qui-Gon sighed, knowing this was a battle he would not be able to win. Anakin would be trained, though, and he did feel a certain sense of relief knowing that he would not have another Padawan…

Again his thoughts turned to his apprentice. "Obi-Wan—"

"Knighted, he was, for killing the Sith," said Yoda. "His trials, this mission was, though knew it, he did not." Qui-Gon beamed. He had _known_ that his Padawan was ready for the Trials; he had been right.

"Wait," he said, smile fading slightly, "_was_? He was Knighted already?" The amusement in Yoda's eyes disappeared.

"Took his vows, he did, though had a formal ceremony, he did not. Wanted to wait for you, the Council did," said the Jedi Master.

"The Council? Not Obi-Wan?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Refused to have the ceremony, we did," said Yoda. "Cut off his own braid, he did, before going to Ilum."

Qui-Gon was speechless. He felt confused and hurt—yes, he was proud that his Padawan was finally a Jedi Knight, but he had not been able to take part in the ceremony. Obi-Wan hadn't even _had_ a ceremony.

"Why?" he asked Yoda. "Why did he deny himself a proper ceremony? Is it because he didn't want me there? What did I _do_?"

Yoda's ears fell. "Know, I do not." He stood, taking his walking stick and heading for the door. "Able to walk tomorrow, you will be. Leave for Coruscant, we will."

Qui-Gon nodded and settled back onto the pillows to try to sleep. He had a feeling that there would be more than a few difficult days in the coming weeks, and he was determined to rest while he could.

X


	2. Chapter 2

Ah, haha, thank you guys! How nice of you to comment. :D And yes, I am ignoring some facts of the canon aside the big ones that make this AU. My advice is to just shrug it off as artistic license… xD Not much action in this chapter (actually, none at all, really), but I like it. I'm setting up the coming counterpoint between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. In the next chapter or two, it'll be Obi-Wan's thoughts. ;D (In my opinion, all stories need more Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Spread the hot Jedi love, everyone!)

Chapter Two

The trip back to Coruscant was not a particularly comfortable one for Qui-Gon. Despite the large, well-equipped ship Queen Amidala had provided for them, he was barely able to sleep those five days back to the capital. The bed was certainly large and comfortable enough, and the food—while rather bland—was good. It was neither hunger nor physical discomfort that kept him up; the now mostly healed wound in his abdomen barely even ached anymore.

It was the feeling that something was wrong that kept him awake when everyone else was in their beds. Qui-Gon was nowhere near as sensitive to the collective Force as his Padawan—_former_ Padawan, he reminded himself with a stab of loss and longing—but he, too, had the occasional feeling of warning.

He had first felt that something was wrong when he woke up on Naboo, in the infirmary. Qui-Gon had attributed it to his recent encounter with the Sith lord, knowing that such use of the Dark Force could upset the balance around him for some time after. But it persisted, even after they were far from Naboo and any lingering evidence of the Sith's presence. He began to wonder if he was actually experiencing one of his rare hints of the future.

Qui-Gon, in the meantime, tried to ignore it. He knew that there was little he could do about the feeling other than acknowledge it and try not to let it overwhelm him. Which is exactly what he did. Instead of focusing on the hints of warning, he thought of what he would do when they got to Coruscant. He would have to give his report to the Council, obviously, as Yoda had been the only one to receive the full version of the events on Naboo so far, and then…

What _would_ he do? If he had still had a Padawan, his days would be full of training, overseeing lessons and teaching. He could still teach, of course, but his training was limited; though the wound no longer hurt all the time, Qui-Gon knew it would if he over-exerted himself. As for overseeing lessons… well, he no longer had a Padawan to oversee, did he?

He frowned, suddenly, thinking for the thousandth time of Obi-Wan's strange departure. What could he have done to anger him to that point? Things had been a little tense between them, because of Anakin and the usual strains any relationship experienced, but he had thought they were okay.

_Apparently not_, he thought with a frustrated sigh. Qui-Gon felt sad, knowing that once he reached the Temple he would not see his apprentice. Their quarters would be empty and silent, as they hadn't been for years. _For thirteen years_, his mind supplied easily.

Qui-Gon had to admit, Obi-Wan's thirteen years as his Padawan had done wonders for him. His skills had improved by leaps and bounds, even in the first few tenuous months they had shared. There had been the incident on Melida/Daan, but they had worked past that. It had not been easy, nor had it been swift, but they had grown to trust each other.

_At least, I thought we had_. He grimaced at the thought. Of course he trusted Obi-Wan—how could he not? The boy had saved his life countless times now, had lived with him, had stayed in tents in war zones with him. They had shared too much not to trust each other.

What he wanted at that very moment more than anything else was to know what Obi-Wan was thinking and feeling. Qui-Gon winced as the thought called his attention suddenly to the strange hole in his mind where his bond with his former Padawan used to be. His near death experience had almost completely wiped out the bond and Obi-Wan's Knighting and deliberate distance from him had done the rest.

It hurt, Qui-Gon mused, knowing that your Padawan wanted nothing more to do with you. He had, of course, felt this before. But that was with Xanatos, and he had come to realise over the course of their years together that Obi-Wan couldn't be more different from his failed apprentice if he'd tried. The two were like night and day, sometimes quite literally—Xan was dark where Obi-Wan practically shone. Xanatos had been sarcastic often to the point of rudeness while Obi-Wan had used sarcasm playfully, rarely offending anyone with his good-natured humour. Obi-Wan worked much harder than Xan though he hadn't needed to in most areas. He was not cocky or pigheaded as Xan had been. And above all, Obi-Wan would not turn to the Darkness as Xan had.

Though he had to admit, the sheer _rage_ he had sensed from Obi-Wan after he had fallen to the Sith warrior had been more than a bit discomforting. Coupled with the fear, Qui-Gon was quite surprised that he had not thought of the former apprentice that had first brought him and Obi-Wan together. But Obi-Wan's quick and efficient dispelling of those feelings had only made him more proud to be his Master.

There was a knock on the door, interrupting his train of thought. "Come in," he said, not bothering to move from his position. He was lying on the bed, staring at the grey ceiling of the room.

The door slid open and Anakin stepped into the room. The boy had been remarkably patient and understanding with him. Qui-Gon had expected him to be more upset about this turn of events than he was, and was pleasantly surprised when Anakin just smiled and said it was okay that another Jedi would train him. He was just glad that Qui-Gon was alive.

"Hello, Anakin," the Jedi greeted him. He smiled, amused by the sight of the boy's hair cut into the traditional Padawan style. A very small braid just barely poked out from behind his right ear, and Qui-Gon knew that it would someday grow to be long and full of the beads and ties symbolizing the different trials he had gone through on his way to becoming a Jedi Knight.

"Hello, Master Qui-Gon," he answered. "Master Yoda says I have to call you that now because that's what Padawans call the Jedi Masters. It shouldn't be too difficult to remember, since I called you Mister, which sounds a lot like Master." Qui-Gon was surprised that he had forgotten just how much the boy could talk. He had not seen much of Anakin in the past few days; Qui-Gon had rested much of the time and Anakin had been receiving special training from Yoda in an effort to prepare him for life at the Temple.

"How are things going with Master Yoda?" Qui-Gon asked. Anakin shrugged, a small grin still on his face.

"It's okay, I guess," he answered. "He's nice and all, but a bit too… serious, like he has to think really hard about everything he says. I think you would've been more fun."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "In time, Anakin, you will learn to see Yoda's own brand of humour for what it is," he assured him. "How are the lessons going?"

"I don't know how I'm going to remember everything!" he said, sounding rather dismayed. "All that information about the sorts of things Padawans have to do, and all the classes I'm going to have to take and learning how to fight with a lightsaber…" Anakin continued to tell him about his concerns about what would happen when they arrived on Coruscant, and Qui-Gon allowed himself to be caught up in the young boy's speech. He wondered if he had ever been that enthusiastic, and did not think of Obi-Wan or the strange, nagging feeling for another few hours.

X

When they did arrive on Coruscant less than a day later, Yoda took Anakin off to the quarters they would share together, leaving Qui-Gon with nothing to do but return to his own quarters. Wanting to put it off for as long as possible, he went to one of the meditation gardens. Finding himself a secluded, private corner, he sank to his knees and gathered the Force around him.

Qui-Gon did not know how long he spent in mediation. He guessed it had been several hours when he was finally drawn out of his trance by his commlink going off. Switching it on, he saw an alert from the Council. He was being asked to give his report on the events that had taken place on Naboo in the Council chambers in an hour.

Rising, he stretched for a moment before making his way through the corridors to his apartment. He nodded at a few Knights and Padawans he had not seen for several months, since they were last at the Temple, but no one stopped to engage him in conversation. All too soon he found himself in front of his door. He hesitated, not wanting to go in. _Don't be silly, Jinn_, he told himself. _You went back in after Xanatos; you can certainly do it now._

_That was different_, another part of him whispered. _I had Obi-Wan to distract me from my grief then._

"Silly of me. He's been Knighted, not Turned," he murmured, though he did not know if he actually said the words or not.

Steeling himself, Qui-Gon palmed the security pad and stepped into the apartment.

The first thing he noticed was that it looked almost exactly as it had before they left on their mission. A bit dusty, but everything was as it had been otherwise. Walking past the kitchen and the door to the 'fresher, Qui-Gon paused before Obi-Wan's room. Looking at the door for a moment, he thought about opening it and then shook his head. What good would it do to remind himself of his Padawan's abrupt leaving?

He went to his own room, grabbing a clean set of clothes and changing into them quickly. As he was just about to redo the tie in his hair when he noticed something on his pillow. Stepping closer, Qui-Gon wished he hadn't as he saw what it was.

Lying in a neat coil next to a handwritten note was Obi-Wan's Padawan braid. It was long and roughly cut at one end, tied up hastily to stop it from becoming unbound. Qui-Gon pointedly did not touch it as he picked up the note. It was on paper, which was strange for Obi-Wan. His apprentice hated such archaic things as that; he preferred the faster methods of computers and datapads.

_Master Qui-Gon_, the note started out, and he winced at the formality of it before going on. _I have gone to Ilum to make a new lightsaber. I won't be back on Coruscant for long when I'm done; I've asked the Council for the mission to expose the smuggling ring between several of the Outer Rim planets and a few Republic systems. I've been assured that as soon as they bring back the Jedi currently working on it, I'll be made the primary Jedi on the case. I don't know when I'll be back on Coruscant. Don't expect to see me for quite a while._

And that was all. It didn't take up even half of the page, but Qui-Gon turned it over to search for anything more. A signature, even. There was none.

He jumped as his commlink started to beep again. This time it was Master Windu, reminding him that the Council session started in less than five minutes.

Qui-Gon folded the note in half and pushed it into his pocket on impulse, and strode out of the room.

X

"After you got into the hangar bay, what happened then?" prompted one of the Council members. Qui-Gon didn't know which one. He had, several minutes ago, closed his eyes and stopped speaking as it came to this part. He had gotten through the rest of it without any problems, telling the Council everything that had happened after the Trade Federation released poison gas into the room where he and Obi-Wan had been kept waiting through their escapade on Tatooine and up until that point. They had heard parts of it before, when they brought Anakin to Coruscant to be tested.

Qui-Gon had managed to ignore the memory that he no longer had a Padawan, and that they hadn't parted on very good terms.

"We—Obi-Wan and I—fought the Sith that had been following us since Tatooine," Qui-Gon began, stumbling over the words in places. He had to fight to get them out.

"Qui-Gon." His eyes opened at the sound of Yoda's voice. The aging Master was staring at him with sympathy shining in his eyes though his face remained impassive, and he continued, "Tell us later, you can. Rest now, you should. Tired, your injury must make you." They both knew that his injury had nothing to do with the reason Qui-Gon couldn't bring himself to talk about it. But recognizing the dismissal, Qui-Gon bowed and thanked him before leaving as quickly as he could without running.

He hadn't realised how hard it would be to talk about. That overwhelming darkness… he shuddered at the memory of it. And Obi-Wan, nearly giving his life to save him…

Qui-Gon hadn't known what he was doing until he blinked and found himself standing in the doorway to Obi-Wan's room. _What _used_ to be Obi-Wan's room_, he thought bitterly. He was clutching Obi-Wan's Padawan braid tightly in his hand.

Looking down at it, he thought that he would have liked nothing better than to turn back time. Go back to when the braid was still attached and his Padawan wasn't angry with him for reasons he could not figure out. A sudden feeling of weariness washed over him. It wasn't the kind of weary that sleep could fix; it was the kind that the old felt. The jaded souls who had seen too much. And at that moment, Qui-Gon felt his age beginning to assert itself with surprising force.

Without pausing to think, he tucked the braid into a pocket in his inner tunic and crossed to the bed. Removing his boots, he laid down on what had been Obi-Wan's bed and drifted into sleep.

He dreamt of red and black skin, yellow eyes and ginger-coloured hair.

X

There may not be an update next week, since I'm going to be working on another fic of mine (another new one; I'm just in a writing mood :D). So I'm giving you this now to tide you over. Reviews are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews, you guys:D They're all so nice. As to whether this is going to be a dark Obi-Wan story… well, I can't tell you that. Revealing such information would ruin the plot now, wouldn't it? xD Enjoy, m'dears!

Oh, one other thing: I know that Obi's characterization is off in this chapter. THIS IS ON PURPOSE. Kay, thanks. :D

Chapter Three

_He was standing in an elevator, his back to the glass wall that overlooked Coruscant. His hands were folded into the sleeves of his Jedi robes, his face smooth and calm. He was the perfect model of the serene Jedi, quite the opposite of the Padawan standing next to him. The young man fidgeted nervously, running a hand through his short hair and frowning. He could sense the nervous energy coming off of the boy in waves._

_"You seem a little on edge," he commented._

_The boy shifted from foot to foot rapidly and said, "Not at all."_

_"I haven't felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks," he commented, a small smile making its way onto his face. He was obviously amused by the memory of this event for whatever reason (and though he probably shouldn't have been). Or was he merely amused by the boy's obvious discomfort? _

_The boy—taller than he was, he noted for the first time—scoffed. "_You_ fell into that nightmare, Master, and I rescued you, remember?"_

_"Oh… yes," he said, even though that was not how it had been the way _he_ recalled it. He laughed quietly, and a moment later the other joined him._

_"You're sweating. Relax. Take a deep breath," he advised. He wondered why he was so nervous about seeing these people. He knew Padmé—Senator Amidala, he reminded himself sternly, he must call her Senator Amidala in public even though it was known that they were friends—and he knew that the two got on very well._

_"I haven't seen her in _ten years_, Master," he replied. He merely smiled and shook his head a little, knowing that Anakin was just nervous about making a good impression on the woman his memories had modified to elevate her to the status of a goddess._

X

"Obi-Wan! Wake up!"

Obi-Wan woke with a start to the sound of someone calling his name. He felt around with the Force, trying to sense anyone with ill will towards him before opening his eyes and sitting up. It was a habit he'd developed through years of undercover work, where he would have to be one step ahead of everyone else to survive in a nest of his enemies.

He frowned as he sat up and looked around. It was pitch black in the room, though he felt another Jedi in the room. Obi-Wan relaxed marginally, knowing that another Jedi would not intentionally harm him.

"It's been quite a while since anyone's called me that," he said quietly. Another habit of his; speak quietly and carefully, you never know who could be trying to listen.

"Oh good," he heard them say with a relieved sigh. "I didn't know if you were going to wake up…" Obi-Wan frowned. He knew that voice… now if only he could remember who it belonged to…

"Garen?" he asked. It had taken him a moment to remember his friend's voice. It had been two years since he'd spoken to a Jedi other than Mace Windu or Yoda.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten me," he said, and Obi-Wan could tell he was smiling even though he could not see his face.

Which brought about another question. "Why is it dark in here?"

Any trace of amusement was gone when Garen spoke again. "All the power we have is being used trying to get us to Coruscant."

"Coruscant?" Obi-Wan said. "But I haven't caught Viris yet—"

"And you won't," Garen said grimly. "Viris is dead."

"Dead?" Obi-Wan repeated, and had to take a few deep breaths to control his anger before speaking again. He had been so _close_ to catching him!

"Yes. I had to kill him to get you out," Garen answered, and explained more thoroughly when he met a blank look. "Your cover was blown."

"I—what? How?" Obi-Wan was genuinely confused. In the three years since he'd been Knighted, he'd been on more undercover missions than he could remember. Never once had he gotten caught. He'd busted smuggler after smuggler, slaver after slaver and drug dealer after drug dealer. And he'd only ever been seriously injured _once_!

"The drugs," Garen answered. "The halo you took." Obi-Wan frowned.

"How did taking the halo ruin my cover?"

"It wasn't taking it. They noticed when you purged it."

That jogged Obi-Wan's memory. He had infiltrated Viris' drug den easily enough, posing as the representative for a big-time Coruscant dealer looking to make an agreement. They had closed the deal, signing the false papers Obi-Wan had drawn up on the way to the Mid-Rim planet they were based on. After that, he had been invited to "celebrate" and sample the goods he would supposedly be taking back to Coruscant with him. Knowing that this was quite normal for the closing of a major deal, he had agreed.

Obi-Wan had taken over the normal dosage, and he realised that while he had been able to get it out of his system relatively quickly, it had impaired his thinking and he hadn't been able to do so without notice.

He said something profane in Huttese that caused Garen to stare. "What?" he snapped.

"Sorry," his friend said quickly, looking away. "You're just… different." Obi-Wan winced at his friend's soft, hurt tone. They hadn't heard from each other in two years, and now Obi-Wan was subjecting his friend to one of his fits.

"No, I'm sorry," he said, getting his anger under control. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and fixed a smile on his face even though he knew it couldn't be seen. "So, how've you been? How's everyone at the Temple? I haven't heard anything about that from Master Windu and Master Yoda."

Garen was quiet for a moment. "I'm good. I've been getting better missions. I think they're going to be promoting me to Master in a year or two."

"That's great, Garen!" Obi-Wan said, genuinely smiling now.

"Yeah," his friend agreed. "I've started going down to see the Initiates, seeing if there's anyone I feel connected to."

Obi-Wan answered, "You'll make a great Master. Whoever you choose as a Padawan will be quite lucky."

"Thanks, Obi. That means a lot to me, coming from you," Garen replied. Suddenly the ship lurched. "Oh, we must be coming out of hyperspace now. We're almost there, then. Twenty minutes tops. Which is really good, considering—" Obi-Wan waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"Considering what?" he asked.

"Oh, uh, nothing," Garen said a little too quickly. His friend raised an eyebrow at him.

"Garen."

"I... well... that is... you're not in such good shape," the Jedi admitted hesitantly. "You're not going to die anytime soon, but it'd be best if we get you to the Temple infirmary as soon as we can."

"Why? I felt for injuries with the Force when I woke up. I would have sensed them, even if I were on pain medication," Obi-Wan told him.

"True," he answered, "you aren't physically injured."

"Then what is it?" Garen was saved from having to answer by being forced to switch the ship over to manual control and guide them to the Temple hangar. He didn't say a word to Obi-Wan the rest of the way, afraid that his friend was going to push him for more information.

The two were separated when they reached the hangar, both pulled aside by Council members. They parted without a word, Obi-Wan giving his friend a small, tired smile. He was met with a nod.

"I'm worried, Master," Garen told Master Windu. "He seems... different."

"I'm sure he is, Knight Garen. It _has_ been two years since you last saw him," the Master pointed out. Garen nodded.

"But... he doesn't seem... right, somehow," Garen said.

"Whatever it is, the Healers will help him fix it," he assured the younger Jedi. Garen nodded, and hoped that he was right.

X

Obi-Wan fully expected to be taken to the Council room to give his report immediately after leaving the hangar, but Yoda led him to the infirmary. He frowned.

"Where are we going?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"To the infirmary, we go," Yoda answered, humouring him. "Help, you will need." Obi-Wan frowned. So both Garen and Master Yoda knew something he didn't... but what was it?

"Why?"

"Find out, you will, when we get there," the Master insisted. For a split second Obi-Wan wanted to hit something, but the anger and frustration were gone as quickly as they had come, leaving him feeling awkward and disconcerted.

"Yes, Master."

They walked in silence, sometimes slowing as someone greeted Yoda. Obi-Wan was rather surprised at how few people he recognised. He didn't think two years was long enough to make him forget everyone, but apparently it was.

They reached the infirmary and Obi-Wan palmed the door open so Master Yoda wouldn't have to reach. He immediately tensed as he heard a familiar voice.

"No, Anakin. Master Yoda is coming soon; we don't have time for that." It was Qui-Gon, his former Master. And he was talking to that boy, the one they'd found on Tatooine... the one who had ruined the mission on Naboo.

He fought to keep his anger in check as he heard Anakin say, "I'm sure my Master won't mind if we go for a _quick_ spar—"

The door was now fully open and Obi-Wan found himself face-to-face with his former mentor. He hadn't changed at all in the two years they'd been apart. He still wore his long, brown hair in the same style, his beard still as thick and dark as ever. He even wore the same colour robes, that tan colour that Obi-Wan hated because it reminded him of the sand on that dreadful, hot planet. Surprise flickered through his blue eyes as he met his former Padawan's steely gaze.

"Obi-Wan," he breathed.

The moment was broken. Obi-Wan gave him a curt nod, then stepped aside for them to pass. Neither Qui-Gon nor Anakin moved.

"What're you wearing?" asked Anakin. Obi-Wan glanced down and nearly groaned. He had forgotten that he'd never changed back into his Jedi robes after putting on the standard gear for a drug dealer. And the tight black pants, boots and jacket couldn't be farther from proper Jedi attire.

"Nevermind, Padawan," said Yoda. "Imitate him, you will not. For a mission, these clothes were. Wear them, Jedi do not."

Anakin pouted visibly, but said, "Yes, Master." Obi-Wan blinked in surprise. Anakin was Yoda's Padawan? Not Qui-Gon's?

"It was kind of you to come see me, Anakin," said Qui-Gon, breaking his train of thought, "but I believe you have a class to go to?"

"Oh!" the young boy exclaimed and slapped his palm to his forehead. "Advanced physics! I completely forgot! I'm sorry, Masters! I'll see you later!" He ran off down the corridors, ignoring a few Knights who tried to tell him to slow down.

Yoda chuckled. "Energetic, he is."

"Yes, quite so," Qui-Gon said, but his voice was distant now, as though he wasn't really focused on the conversation. Obi-Wan looked to him and saw his former Master watching him intently.

"Talk later, you can," Yoda said. "Medical attention, Obi-Wan needs." Obi-Wan saw the startled look in Qui-Gon's eyes even as he nodded and moved out of the way.

"Of course," he said. "I will find you later, then. Good day, Obi-Wan." He didn't walk away, instead watching as Obi-Wan gave him a small, stiff bow and walk off into the medical centre.

Obi-Wan was happy enough to submit to the infirmary staff if it meant he didn't have to see Qui-Gon. Even after two years without contact, Obi-Wan thought bitterly as the Healers injected him with something, nothing had changed. His eyes fluttered and closed as the drug took effect, and he fell into a troubled sleep.

X


	4. Chapter 4

For some reason I just love putting Obi-Wan in the hospital. I'm so cruel. xD Anyway, I'm putting up two or three updates because it's now Winter Break and a) I have time to do that and b) I may be going on vacation for a week in just a bit. Do enjoy. :D (And review, please!)

Chapter Four

_Qui-Gon was dead, his body lying in the middle of a pyre as somber mourners watched. Obi-Wan stood next to Anakin, the hood of his dark brown robe pulled up, hiding his face in shadows. He didn't want anyone to see the tears in his eyes, he didn't want them to know that he wasn't remembering the Jedi saying about death even as he repeated it to himself._

_There is not death, there is only the Force... There is no death, there is only the Force..._

_It didn't help._

_He turned to the young boy next to him, praying that the unshed tears couldn't be seen._

_"What will happen to me now?" the boy asked. Obi-Wan knew that Anakin was worried, for he understood that Qui-Gon had been his main supporter in his wish to be trained as a Jedi._

_"The council have granted me permission to train you," he answered. "You will be a Jedi, I promise."_

_Anakin nodded, and they both turned back to the burning body of Obi-Wan's former Master. Obi-Wan knew that he wasn't alone in his grief; he could feel it all around him. And in a strange way, it gave him comfort._

X

"Master Obi-Wan, wake up!"

"Why do all my mornings start with someone saying that lately?" he growled, rubbing his eyes. He groaned as pain suddenly blossomed in his head. He felt nauseous...

"What were you dreaming about?" Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open as he registered the voice. It was Anakin.

He sat bolt upright as he realised this. What on earth was the boy doing here? Yoda's Padawan had no reason to be here, no connection to Obi-Wan... He frowned as he remembered the dream he had been having before he woke.

Before he could register what he was doing, he said, "I was dreaming about how things might have been if Qui-Gon had died on Naboo."

"Oh," Anakin answered, eyes wide. "What happened?" Obi-Wan wondered whether he should go on or not. He decided he would.

"I was Knighted and then I took you as my Padawan," he said. Anakin's eyes were wide, and he didn't seem to have changed very much from the boy Obi-Wan had met on the ship leaving Tatooine two years previous.

"Qui-Gon talks about you all the time. I bet you would've been a really great Master," he said. Frowning suddenly, he rushed on. "Not that I'm not happy with Master Yoda, of course, it's just..."

"Just what?" Obi-Wan prompted gently, and wondered why he was playing counselor to this boy. He still harbored a small bit of resentment towards him for being chosen over him by Qui-Gon in the Council room...

"Sometimes I don't know how much he understands me," he said quietly, fidgeting in his seat. "I mean, he's nice—most of the time, except for when I forget stuff, like my homework—but he doesn't understand how I think. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to be my Master at all." Anakin took a deep, nervous breath and glanced up at Obi-Wan. He could tell that the boy had been hiding these doubts for a very long time. But why choose to confide in Obi-Wan? And why now?

"If he didn't want you he wouldn't have taken you as his Padawan," Obi-Wan answered, half his attention going to his aching head. "He knows that wouldn't be fair to you. As for understanding how you think, well..." He gave Anakin a small, lopsided grin. "Master Yoda has not been a child for a very, very long time. He's probably forgotten what it feels like."

Anakin giggled a little, letting loose a smile of his own. Then he suddenly became serious. "I'm here because I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"Are you mad at Qui-Gon?" Anakin asked. "I saw how you were to him yesterday and that made it seem like you're mad at him." Obi-Wan was at a loss, having no idea how to respond to that. Should he tell the truth and let Anakin know that he was angry with his former Master? Or should he lie, and let the boy think that everything is alright?

"Yes," he answered slowly. "I am angry with Qui-Gon."

"Why?" Anakin asked, sounding genuinely confused. His tone itself seemed to say, "how could anyone be angry with Qui-Gon?"

"Because..." Obi-Wan struggled to articulate his feelings. The resentment of being cast aside in favour of Anakin, the anger at his Master's sudden willingness to die, to give up, the realisation that his Master didn't need him as Obi-Wan needed him and finally, the hurt he had felt when he knew the man whom he loved as a father could cast him aside so easily...

"We've had... misunderstandings. Disagreements. They sort of... built up, until it got to be too much," Obi-Wan said, and felt the Force hum around him at this admission. He was momentarily shocked—he hadn't felt the Force in a long time, though he hadn't realised that until now.

But why? Why had his access to the Force been cut off and why hadn't he realised it? Why had it only now come back?

"My Master says that when I have a disagreement with someone, we should agree to disagree," Anakin said seriously. Obi-Wan couldn't help it: he laughed.

Though he instantly regretted doing so as it added pressure to his already aching head. He groaned and rubbed his temple with one hand, the other gripping the blanket over him.

"Master Obi-Wan?" Anakin said, sounding panicked.

"I'm fine." _What's wrong with me? _he wondered. _I felt okay yesterday..._ "I'm fine," he repeated, half to himself. _Or at least I will be. I hope._

"Master Obi-Wan—"

"I'm not a Master, Anakin," he interrupted. "I'm a Knight. But you can just call me Obi-Wan."

"Oh, alright," Anakin said happily, smiling up at him. "Master Qui-Gon wants to come and see you, but..."

"But?" said Obi-Wan. The boy hesitated before continuing.

"I think he knows you're mad at him, and he thinks you don't want to see him," he explained. "I wanted to ask if that's true."

"You're asking if I don't want to see him?" He was stalling and they both knew it. Anakin nodded. "I don't know," he said honestly. Obi-Wan was confused. He didn't _know_ what he wanted. He was adverse to the thought of never seeing Qui-Gon again, but he also had no desire to see him in the immediate future...

"Do you think that you and Qui-Gon can agree to disagree?" asked Anakin hopefully. Obi-Wan gave him a small smile and impulsively reached out to tousle his hair.

"I think it may be too late for that solution," he said quietly. "But maybe another one will present itself." Anakin nodded. Sudden a beep informed them that a half-hour had passed since Anakin and Obi-Wan had begun their conversation.

"I have to go," he said softly. "I have class..."

"Alright," Obi-Wan said, giving him another smile. "It was nice to talk to you, Anakin." Obi-Wan was surprised to find that he meant that quite sincerely. He searched his mind and found that he no longer had any negative feelings for Anakin.

The boy slid out of the chair and left the room with a certain bounce in his step that made Obi-Wan smile. _Oh, to be young again._

He sat back against the pillows and decided that if his headache would go away, it wouldn't be a half bad day.

X

He had the same dream about Qui-Gon's funeral that night. When he woke the next morning, the first ting he was aware of was that someone was next to him. The second thing he was aware of was a hand in his hair—he had let it grow, finding it easier than searching for a way to cut it every month; it was now just past his shoulders, though he was planning to trim it a bit when he got the chance—large, warm, strong and comforting, they were familiar fingers.

It was comforting, and without realising it Obi-Wan leaned into it. "What were you dreaming about?" Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open as he registered the voice. It was Qui-Gon.

He jerked away as best he could in his impaired state. "Don't touch me," he snapped. Qui-Gon withdrew, and Obi-Wan could feel the hurt rolling off him in waves. Obi-Wan didn't know how much of his anger with the man was his genuine feelings and how much was his illness making him irritated. Truth be told, he didn't care.

"Your dream—it seemed like something painful to think about," he said softly. Obi-Wan winced. "Was it the memory of a past mission?"

"Something like that," Obi-Wan muttered quietly to himself. He wondered why Qui-Gon was even there, but any thoughts or suspicions he might have had were driven from his mind as he was forced to focus on the pain in his head.

It was extraordinary. He had never been in so much pain in his entire life—he had always had the Force to take it away, but now he was hurting so badly that he could not concentrate long enough to grasp it.

He heard the door open and a Healer come in. "How do you feel?" they asked, walking towards him and fiddling with one of the machines he was hooked up to.

"Like my head is going to explode and I'm going to throw up," he groaned. He waited for the expected response that he usually got from them:_you'll feel better in just a moment, you just have to take this medicine first_. It never came, and there was no new medicine given to him.

"I'm sorry, Knight Kenobi," the Healer murmured. "We can't give you any pain medication."

"Then what about something for what's wrong with me?" Obi-Wan asked, looking up at them. The Healer bit her lip and shook her head.

"There's nothing we _can_ give you," she admitted.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked, irritated, curious and nervous at the same time. He felt too badly to release it into the Force even if he had been able to connect with it. "I felt fine yesterday..."

"You're going through withdrawal," she admitted slowly.

"Withdrawal?" Obi-Wan repeated dully. "You mean drug cravings?" She nodded.

"Yes."

"There must be some mistake," he gasped as a fresh wave of stabbing pain hit him. "I'm not addicted to—ah..."

"Not on purpose," the Healer said, and Obi-Wan wanted to laugh. As if _anyone_ got themselves addicted to drugs on purpose. "But in the two years you've been on undercover missions, you've had repeated exposure to a drug called halo, yes?" He nodded feebly. She went on. "You purged it from your cells after taking it, I'm sure, but all that does is nullify the effects. The drug was still in your system, and your brain cells absorbed it. That's how you became addicted. You probably never even felt it happening."

He shook his head no and immediately wished he hadn't as he felt his head throb. "I... what did you give me yesterday?" he asked. "The stuff that made me sleep."

"You can't have any drugs," she insisted. "I'm sorry. But now that the withdrawal has begun, anything else that you put into your system will only have an adverse affect in the long run."

He groaned and curled himself into a ball. "How long?" he muttered. "How long will I feel like this?"

"These symptoms will last about a month before they die down. Then you'll probably only experience them every few days before they stop completely." Obi-Wan whimpered again at the prospect of a month of this misery, but she wasn't done. "Even after these symptoms go away, you will still have cravings."

Obi-Wan swore rather loudly, and he felt that Qui-Gon was floored by his response. The Healer, however, was not. She went on as if he hadn't spoken.

"We'll provide a drug counselor and a Mind Healer to help, but it will be tough," she told him. "I'm sorry, Knight Kenobi. Can I do anything for you?"

"No," he forced out from between gritted teeth. "Nothing."

"I'm sorry," she repeated and left quietly.

The hum of machines filled the otherwise silent room before Qui-Gon cleared his throat. "It's good to see you again, Padawan," he said softly, "even under these circumstances." Obi-Wan scoffed.

"I'm sure," he replied coldly. Qui-Gon frowned. This wasn't how he pictured his reunion with Obi-Wan.

"I tried to find you," he said after a moment. "But the missions you were on were considered classified until after they were completed. Every time I found out where you had gone, you left before I could contact you." Obi-Wan didn't respond. Qui-Gon sighed and leaned back in his seat. It was like talking to a wall. _I might as well be_, he thought to himself sadly, _I'd probably get the same results_.

"Why are you so angry with me, Obi-Wan?" he asked softly, not bothering to hide the pain he felt. "What have I done to you?"

Obi-Wan visibly tensed. He curled in on himself even tighter as he said, quietly yet clearly, "Get out." He'd had enough of thinking about his relationship with his former Master when Anakin had been here. Obi-Wan was too confused to have this conversation now... He wanted... well, he didn't know what he wanted.

"Obi-Wan, I—"

"Get. Out," he said firmly. Qui-Gon knew that there was no negotiating with him when he used that tone. He had his mind made up. Even when Obi-Wan had been his padawan, he hadn't been able to sway him. He had been able to get him to do what he wanted, of course, by giving him a direct order, but he had rarely wanted to.

Qui-Gon decided to try something else. "Padawan—" he started, hoping that the title would placate Obi-Wan somewhat. If anything it made him angrier. Qui-Gon could sense it rolling off of him now in thick waves of dark emotion.

"GET. OUT," Obi-Wan yelled. When Qui-Gon didn't move, Obi-Wan, ignoring the pain as best he could, sat up rapidly, threw out a hand and Force-pushed him against the door. "NOW."

Qui-Gon was stunned. To have that much command over the Force when in such a state was absolutely incredible. He couldn't believe it.

And then he felt it. That same dark, smothering presence that he had felt when he fought the Sith two years before on Naboo. He felt bile rise in his throat at the knowledge that his Padawan had just used the Dark Side of the Force.

Turning and palming the door open, he bolted from the room.

X

Qui-Gon barely registered where he was going. He had no destination in mind as he hurried away from the infirmary. He was in shock, he realised dimly. But he didn't care. His mind was reeling. How could Obi-Wan have done something like that?

His feet took him to the gardens, but he quickly decided that it was not a good idea. There were others in meditation in those gardens; he wouldn't want to disturb them. He decided instead to seek out Master Yoda, knowing that Anakin was away at the moment.

Qui-Gon allowed himself to run on autopilot as he walked to Master Yoda's quarters. He knocked politely when he got there, and moments later the door slid open to allow him to pass through. Yoda was on one of the round cushions he favoured instead of couches in the main room, and he gestured for Qui-Gon to sit on an identical cushion several feet away from his own.

"Sense your panic I did," Yoda said, ears twitching. "Happened something has. Tell me you shall."

"Yes, Master," he answered and sat down cross-legged on the cushion.

"I... well, I was visiting Obi-Wan," he began. "He was in pain when he woke up, and I tried to talk to him. I was hoping he would be more willing to talk in that kind of setting. I tried to comfort him, since he can't be given any pain medication, and he's obviously in too much pain to access the Force.

"The Healer explained his situation to him, and he was upset—rightly so—but he seemed alright. Then the Healer left and I tried to talk to him again. But he just became more and more agitated. Finally I asked him what I had done to make him so angry with me, but he threw me out." At Yoda's blank look, Qui-Gon continued. "He Force-pushed me against the door using the Dark Side of the Force."

"Hm..." Yoda fell silent for a moment and seemed as if he were concentrating very hard on something. Qui-Gon could sense him reaching out to Obi-Wan and he knew the aging Jedi Master was attempting to figure out what Obi-Wan's intentions were. "Distraught he is, over what he did. Angry with you he still is, but guilt he feels more. Worry about this, you should not. Try to find the Force, he did. Blocked from him by pain, it was, but unlocked the Dark Side was by that pain."

"This will prove to be a one-time occurrence, then?" Qui-Gon asked, relieved. Yoda was telling him exactly what he needed to hear about his Padawan; he simply couldn't believe that Obi-Wan was turning out to be like_him_—like Xanatos.

Yoda nodded slowly. "Watch him we will, though fine I feel he will be."

"Thank you, Master. What do you think I should do? Should I try to talk to him again?" Qui-Gon asked. "I would like to be there for him when he goes through this withdrawal."

"Talk to my Padawan, you should," Yoda said. "Sense that he is the key to mending your relationship, I do."

Qui-Gon nodded. He felt significantly better, knowing that his former apprentice wasn't turning. Now if only he could get Obi-Wan to _talk_ to him... He sighed. That was a battle for another day. Right now, though, he needed rest.

X


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews, guys. :D As for his withdrawal symptoms, this drug is rather special... that will be explained in chapters soon to come. - Sorry for the short chapter, but I felt like I should stop here.

Chapter Five

_Though every cell in my body was screaming at me that something was wrong, I didn't want to wake up. I knew I would probably still be in the middle of a battle just above Coruscant or on my way to certain death. There was no way I would have made it out unconscious..._

_Against my will, I slowly pried my eyes open, and... found myself staring down an empty elevator shaft. I realised that I was hanging onto Anakin's back, and reached up to cling tighter._

_"Did I miss something?" I asked._

_"We're in a bit of a situation, Master," he answered, and I relaxed ever-so-slightly knowing that we had the Chancellor with us. At least we had accomplished something. Now if we could manage to get out of here alive, everything would be perfect._

X

Obi-Wan let out a sound that sounded like the combination of a growl and a whimper as he woke. He kept his eyes closed, though, having learned from the last few times when the lights were still on that it was not a good idea. He could see the glow of lights through his eyelids, so he kept them firmly shut. Obi-Wan didn't want to deal with that again.

It was very frustrating; between the withdrawal symptoms and the stupid dreams—visions?—the Jedi never got a moment of rest. "Just kill me now," he groaned quietly, and threw his arm over my eyes. It was far too dramatic a gesture for a Jedi Knight, but Jedi Knights were also not supposed to become addicted to dangerous drugs (even if only by accident).

"I'm afraid that I've become far too attached to you to kill you now." Great, now Qui-Gon was back. Could this get any worse? "Though that time on Malastare... well, I wasn't too far from it." Yes, yes it could. He shouldn't have thought that, Obi-Wan told himself with a mental sigh.

"How many times do I have to tell you for you to get it?" he groaned. "I don't want you here." Obi-Wan stayed exactly as he was even when he felt one of Qui-Gon's hands come to rest on his shoulder.

"I'd like to think that's just the drugs talking," his former teacher said quietly, unmistakable hurt in his voice that Obi-Wan tried valiantly to ignore, "but I'm sure I would be mistaken." Qui-Gon squeezed his shoulder as Obi-Wan began to shake.

So it was going to be one of _those_ days. There were some when the withdrawal wasn't as bad, and all that he got from it was a slight headache, and some when Obi-Wan felt that he wanted to die. Those days he got migraines, shook with need, began to sweat, twitch...

And to have his former Master there would make it that much more humiliating.

He wondered—not for the first time—how long withdrawal would last. For most drugs, physical symptoms disappear after a maximum of nine days, and he'd been in the infirmary with these symptoms for seven already, though Obi-Wan had already been told that that maximum didn't apply. He wondered why, but didn't have an attention span long enough to pay attention to the explanation just then.

"What did I do, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked, bringing his focus back to the older Jedi. A particularly violent shake forced his arm back to his side. Obi-Wan found the lights had been turned off for him. _Thank the Force for small favours_, he thought. "What did I do to make you so angry?" He asked this the last time he went to see his former pupil, and Obi-Wan said so.

"I'm asking again because you never told me, Padawan," answered Qui-Gon. He growled audibly at the title.

"I'm not your—" he started, but was cut off.

"I know," Qui-Gon said quickly, "I apologize." Obi-Wan gasped as pain coursed through his body. Instinctively, he curled up onto a tight ball, not noticing how it took him closer to Qui-Gon. He removed his hand from the young man's shoulder and grasped one of Obi-Wan's hands. He wanted to pull away and tell him to let go, but he was too weak to do either.

"If you don't tell me what it is I did, Obi-Wan, I can't fix it," Qui-Gon persisted. It was that same patient tone that Obi-Wan had heard so many times when he was his Padawan. When Qui-Gon would help him with his lightsaber training, when he would help Obi-Wan with his poetry studies—he was always very bad at poetry, he remembered—and—

_No_. Thinking of how they used to be was beginning to fill him with feelings of... loss, and longing. But he wouldn't and couldn't go back. _This is my life_, he told himself sternly, _learn to live it._

Unbidden, Obi-Wan recalled Qui-Gon's saying: "Live in the moment."

"Obi-Wan," he heard someone say. It was not Qui-Gon. "Open your eyes, please." He forced them open and tried to focus on the figure next to his former teacher. A healer? Yes, Obi-Wan remembered slowly, though he could not remember his name.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Awful," Obi-Wan answered. The healer nodded and looked sympathetic. Being a Force-sensitive just like any others working for the Jedi, he could feel at least some of his patient's pain.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "but we have to start your... treatment."

"What treatment?" Obi-Wan gasped. It took all of his willpower to move past the pain enough to form coherent sentences.

"Well, we have to do an evaluation..." the healer said, and Obi-Wan understood. They wanted to do a psychiatric evaluation on him, to see how screwed up he was.

Obi-Wan meant to protest, but he was so tired, so weak... he closed his eyes. Distantly, he heard the healer say, "I'll bring the healer by later."

Qui-Gon answered, but Obi-Wan could not make out the words. Obi-Wan's last waking thought was that he wished he could just be left alone.

X

Qui-Gon watched his former student sleep with a deep sadness and regret gripping him. He wished Obi-Wan didn't have to go through this—what had the boy done to deserve it? He had been nothing but an outstanding student and an even better—if that were even possible—Jedi Knight.

He had many regrets regarding the boy who had once been his Padawan. Qui-Gon regretted that the last time he had seen Obi-Wan before his return to the Temple was when he thought he was going to die. It shouldn't have been that way, he knew. Even if Obi-Wan had still taken on the undercover missions where he was unable to contact anyone but the Council members safely, he and Qui-Gon should have had other times to share together before he left. His Knighting ceremony, for example. That was something every Padawan looked forward to. The day they officially took their vows as Jedi and entered the Order as a full-fledged Knight. The day their braids came off. The day they were no longer required to call their teachers "Master," though most almost always did.

Yet Obi-Wan had given up the chance for a ceremony, and all because he hadn't wanted to see him. Qui-Gon just couldn't understand—what had he done to make his Padawan so upset? He had tried for two years to think of something, _anything _that might have upset Obi-Wan that much, but he couldn't. Even when he was dying on Naboo, he had—

Wait. Had his words upset Obi-Wan? He knew that the younger man had always thought Anakin to be dangerous, so asking him, obligating him to train him... yes, Qui-Gon could see how that might upset his former apprentice. But, Obi-Wan must have known that even as he was speaking, he was trying to convey all of his love for the young man who had become a son to him through their mental bond?

It was then that something occurred to him, and Qui-Gon felt like hitting himself for not thinking of it sooner: their bond had never been severed. That was usually part of the Knighting ceremony, but Obi-Wan hadn't had one. Plus, Qui-Gon would have felt it if they had been cut off from each other.

Closing his eyes and tightening his grip on Obi-Wan's hand, he reached out to him.

He followed the familiar connection and should have been able to reach Obi-Wan's mind, but was unable to do so. He was blocked off by a hazy mist, a sort of cloud, a shadow blocking their connection. What was it? Qui-Gon had never been unable to reach him before, and this sensation was completely unfamiliar.

The man made a mental note to speak to Master Yoda about it in the near future and closed his eyes to rest.

X

While the two slept, the Jedi Council was in a meeting. The subject of their discussion was none other than Obi-Wan.

"A senator found out about Obi-Wan's addiction," Mace Windu began gravely, "and he has moved to form a committee to inspect the conditions of our undercover missions."

"To a bad place, this could lead," Yoda said after a moment of silence, "if interfere with the Jedi, the Senate does." The rest of the Masters nodded their agreement. Yoda went on. "Submit to investigation, we must: but watch them closely, we will."

"I think we should keep the investigation from him until he is well," said Mace. He had a particular soft spot for Obi-Wan Kenobi, as did Master Yoda. "He needs to concentrate on healing, not worrying that this could be his fault." Which they all know he would do if he were to know about the investigation and all the hassle it would cause the Council and even the entire Order. The rest of the Masters agreed quickly.

When the rest of the Council had left and it was only Mace and Yoda left in the room, Yoda said, "Sense the Dark Side, I do, very heavily in this matter."

"Yes," replied Mace, "I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi."

"Let it unfold, we must not," Yoda said, tapping his stick on the ground. "Or chaos and destruction there will be." Even as he said it, Master Yoda wondered if the Republic collapsing into chaos and destruction would be inevitable despite any of their efforts, but only time would tell.

X


	6. Chapter 6

As always, a huge thank you to my reviewers for the encouragement. :D

Chapter Six

_It seemed almost like a three-way battle at times, Obi-Wan thought as he continued to fight Count Dooku, not a two-on-one fight. With the way Anakin was ignoring him, you mightn't be able to tell he was Anakin's Master at all._

_Obi-Wan had a hard time believing that the man who had trained his own Master was capable of such actions, but he pushed his own feelings aside for the moment and concentrated on the moment. Funny, he thought, how he could not for the life of him master that skill until _after_ the man who had tried to teach it to him was dead._

No more thinking_, he told himself sternly. _Just concentrate on keeping you and Anakin alive.

_It was at that moment that Anakin was thrown against a wall, one arm cut off. Rage filled Obi-Wan for a moment, but only a moment. He took a deep breath and continued to battle Dooku as he released his anger into the Force. It would do him no good to fight anger with anger: Dooku's rage was stronger than his own._

_He failed to catch the Sith, and he was lying on the ground, a large metal cylinder about to come crashing down on him, when—_

X

Despite the drugs that the Healers had given him to make him sleep through the night—the only drugs they could give him without completely unbalancing his system, he found out—Obi-Wan was completely exhausted when he woke. It was those visions he kept having, the ones where he was Anakin's Master...

Was he sure they were visions, though? They could be dreams. Well, they certainly _felt_ like all of his other visions, Obi-Wan mused. He was staring at the blanket, deep in thought when the door slid open. A Healer walked in, one he hadn't met before.

"Hello," the man said pleasantly. "My name is Kaolu, and I'm a Mind-Healer. If you're feeling up to it, I would like to start your examination now." Obi-Wan took a moment to think. He felt better than he had in several days, and he figured that he might as well get it over with since they would insist upon doing one no matter what he said.

"That's fine," Obi-Wan answered. Kaolu smiled at him and sat down in the chair that had, only several hours ago, held Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan's mood darkened at the thought of his former Master. What was the man trying to do, jerking him around like this?

"I'm sensing that you aren't very happy right now," the Healer said as he activated a datapad, no doubt to take notes on Obi-Wan's words and mannerisms. Obi-Wan couldn't stop himself: he laughed. "You find something funny?"

"I've been stuck in the infirmary for over a week, shaking, sweating, dealing with various aches and pains and all the other symptoms of withdrawal," Obi-Wan said dryly, a rueful smile plastered onto his face, "and you're throwing out a _wild guess_ that I'm 'unhappy.'"

"And bitter, too," Kaolu murmured as he entered something on the datapad. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and leaned back into his pillows. He may as well be comfortable when going through this torture, he thought.

"I am not _bitter_," Obi-Wan protested mildly. "I'm simply rather frustrated at the moment."

"Why haven't you released those feelings?" asked the Healer, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and pity.

"Because of the withdrawal symptoms, I've been unable to meditate or grasp the Force very well," he admitted. The Healer made a "hmm" noise as he fiddled with the datapad, either entering something new or looking for something already there.

"I heard there was an incident of you using a Force-push against your Master, Qui-Gon Jinn?" The Healer made it a question, effectively opening up the topic for Obi-Wan's protests or thoughts. _Oh, he's clever_, thought Obi-wan. _I'll play along._

"My former Master," he corrected in that same mild tone. "And I have been told that I was in shock from the sudden pain of the withdrawal."

"So you did use the Force against your Master?"  
"My _former_ Master," Obi-Wan insisted again, "and yes, I did. I am aware that I did so, I am sorry that I did so, and I do not think that I would have done it had I been myself."

"But you have said that you are unable to 'grasp the Force very well,'" Kaolu quoted. "So how did you use the Force against him if you were unable to connect with it?" Obi-Wan frowned.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I have been trying to figure that out for myself."

"Could it, perhaps, have been the Dark Side of the Force?" asked the Healer. _You're good, my friend, but not _that_ good_, though Obi-Wan.

"I sincerely hope not," answered the Jedi, injecting what he hoped was the proper amount of sincerity into his voice and tried to look slightly fearful. "That would mean that I'm far from who I think myself to be."

"And who do you think yourself to be, Obi-Wan?" asked Kaolu. Obi-Wan pretended to think hard on it before answering.

"A Jedi," he said after a moment, "in both heart and mind."

The Healer was about to say something else when the door slid open and yet another Healer entered the room.

"Good morning, Obi-Wan, how—who are you?" asked the Healer, looking quizzically at Kaolu.

"Mind-Healer Kaolu," he answered. "I was just gathering what we need from dear Obi-Wan here for the investigation." The familiar Healer growled lowly at the newcomer.

"What investigation?" Obi-Wan asked with a frown.

His answer was "don't worry about it," and "oh, they haven't told you?" simultaneously from the two Healers.

"No," he said, directing his focus to Kaolu, "they haven't." He sensed that he would get more information out of Kaolu now than he would out of the Jedi Healer.

"When the Senate became aware of your _tragic_ situation," Kaolu began, but the other Healer was quick to inject himself into the conversation.

"He does _not_ need this added stress at the moment!"

Kaolu ignored him and went on. "They formed a committee to investigate the Jedi. Oh, don't worry, don't worry! We simply want to know how this was allowed to happen. We are only gathering information at this time."

"I am going to have to ask you to leave, Healer Kaolu, and if you do not cooperate I will call down Master Windu."

"I am leaving, dear Jedi, do not worry," Kaolu said calmly as he stood. "I may have to come back. Should I assume that I need a signed Right of Admission from the Senate to enter?"

"And the permission of the Jedi Council."

"Then I will set myself to writing the request papers immediately." With a charming smile and a "goodbye" in Obi-Wan's direction, the Mind-Healer left.

"I'm very sorry about that," the Healer told Obi-Wan as she checked him over. "We had no idea he was in here."

"Why wasn't I told that there was an investigation going on?" asked Obi-Wan.

"You do not need that kind of stress during your recovery," the Healer told him. Then he smiled. "I have good news: it seems that you are over the worst part of the withdrawal. The rest of it will be mostly psychological, perhaps with some lingering difficulties in meditation and connecting to the Force."

Obi-Wan's heart leapt and he grinned. _I haven't been this happy since I was chosen as a Padawan!_ And immediately the smile dimmed.

"If I may make a suggestion?" the Healer said. "You're going to be allowed to go back to your own quarters this afternoon, and since we saw no negative psychological effects during your withdrawal—that incident with Master Jinn can easily be attributed to the overwhelming pain you were in—there will be no _required_ therapy, but I think it would be a good idea if you spoke to a Mind-Healer. The feelings I sense in you towards your Master are... troubling."

"I'll keep that in mind," Obi-Wan answered civilly, promising nothing.

"There is someone who would like to see you before you're discharged," the Healer said, smiling. "No, it isn't Master Jinn. He's been ordered to spend the day sleeping by Master Yoda."

Obi-Wan nodded slowly, and the Healer opened the door, about to leave. He quickly stepped aside as a small boy ran straight into the room and towards the bed.

"Obi-Wan!" Anakin cried as he threw himself onto the bed. "I heard you get to leave this afternoon! That's great!" Obi-Wan felt any lingering dark feelings dissipate in the face of the young boy's enthusiasm. He let himself smile broadly.

"Yes, it is," he answered.

"I've been thinking that you can come see the models I built—they're really cool! I painted them all by myself, too! And my lightsaber—it's coming together really nicely, and—" Suddenly Anakin stopped, looking down at the blanket. "I mean... um... if you want to..."

Obi-Wan laughed quietly. "I'd be delighted," he said. Anakin perked up instantly, smile bigger than ever. Their eyes met and suddenly Obi-Wan felt Anakin's happiness, his excitement, even his doubts—would he approve of Anakin's lightsaber? Master Yoda did, but for some reason Obi-Wan's approval meant more to him that his own Master's—

"Woah," breathed the boy softly. "Did you feel that?" Obi-Wan nodded.

"Strange, this is." Both turned to see Master Yoda standing in the doorway. "A bond you have formed."

"Forgive me, Master, but I don't see any strangeness in that," said Obi-Wan.

"Strange it is not to have a friendship bond," Yoda agreed, "but a training bond, this is. Yet a Master he has."

"How is that possible?" asked Obi-Wan. "I've never heard of anyone with two active training bonds at one time."

"Broken, our bond has been," explained Yoda. "Takes its place, yours does."

"And neither of you meant to break it?" asked Obi-Wan. "That shouldn't have happened."

"Talk about this, we should," said Yoda. "But for now, Anakin's Master, you are."

"Wizard," Anakin said quietly, a lopsided grin on his face.

X

"You asked him about the incident with his Master?"

"Of course, Chancellor," Kaolu answered. He shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, unused to the luxury of Chancellor Palpatine's apartments.

"Good. Will you need more for the investigation?" asked the elder man. The Healer nodded.

"Yes, I think so. But why not just call on him to testify at the committee hearing?" asked Kaolu. The Chancellor looked at him, deep in thought for a moment before smiling.

"A fine idea, Healer Kaolu. If you would write up the papers...?" The Healer nodded quickly. "Thank you."

As Kaolu left several minutes later, he thought that the man's smile had been almost predatory, like an animal ready to feast on some scrap of meat. He shivered—there was something _wrong_ about that man. He resolved to be more careful around the Chancellor and put it from his mind.

X

Aw, no Qui-Gon in this chapter, but don't worry, there's lots of him in the next one. ;D


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